Where are they putting it?

"The employees are chafing at the bit"

- There has to be a salve for that.

When your head is up your ass....

"We have to keep the machines running to prevent bottom necks from happening."

- Actual e-mail from a colleague.

Heard in a meeting......

"I want to recognize the team for its extinguished performance."

- Many, many companies work with this exact recognition and reward model.

Feel the burn!

"We bastarcize the process."

-"Papa was a rollin stone...C-mon kids, lift those knees......wherever he laid his hat was his home."

Scattered, smothered and flustrated.

Boss: I get so flustrated at times.

Me: I can understand your FRustration, the job's not easy.

Boss: Its not only my flustration, but my wife's flustration when I get home at 9:00 at night.

Me: (internally) AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Now that was some fire!!

"I was responsible for the evaporation of the building during fire drills."

- On a job resume I received. I don't make this stuff up people!!

Spell check is an evil master who will turn on you in an instant.

My all time favorite...

"We don't want to get limesided by this."

lime·side /ˈblaɪndˌsaɪd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[lahym-sahyd] –verb

1.	Work. to hit, or attack (an opponent) with a green, acidic fruit: The foreman was limesided and had a large bruise on his shoulder from the impact.

2.	Informal. to attack critically where a person is uninformed: This former school teacher, now manager in a large corporation, should get limesided for using stupid phrases like this.